To quote Lewis Grizzard, let's get this straight from the start: I'm Bulldog born and I'm Bulldog bred, and when I die I'll be Bulldog dead...
The latest reports have Billy Donovan, he of the Eddie Munster haircut and multiple national titles, wanting to get out of his agreement to coach the Orlando Magic. He would return to the cesspool that is Gainesville Florida and the University of Florida basketball team.
Coverage of this potential kick in the stomach to all that is holy is here.
A few days ago I was toying with the idea that the University of Florida is the Michael Bolton of college athletics. Stay with me on this.
Just like Michael Bolton, they have a confusing lack of style. Just like Michael Bolton they repeatedly reap success for no apparent reason.
And can't you picture Michael Bolton wearing jean shorts, gold chains and an orange and blue tank top?
Remember that movie Office Space? There's a character in that movie named Michael Bolton. And he's mad because there's a singer named Michael Bolton. I got this exchange from a copy of the script here
SAMIR: Michael, there's nothing wrong with that name.
MICHAEL: There was nothing wrong with it. Until I was about nine years old and that no-talent assclown became famous and started winning Grammys.
SAMIR: Well, why don't just go by Mike, instead of Michael?
MICHAEL: Why should I change it? He's the one who sucks.
Here's where I bring this home: The SEC has always been a great conference. For many years it was dominated by traditional powers Alabama, Tennessee (I'll put my hatred of them aside for a moment) and Georgia, with Auburn showing up every few years.
Florida was terrible. Now these no-class assclowns win everything in sight. And even when something bad happens — like their all-everything coach leaving for the NBA - it looks like it will turn out well for them, too.
How did this happen? I don't know, how did Michael Bolton win all those Grammys? There's just evil in this world.