Max Power doesn't abbreviate.

Or, "I got it from the hairdryer" and "What are you looking at, Dicknose?"

Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end Greg White has officially changed his name to "Styles G. White" after Stiles from Teen Wolf.

That is awesome. Changing your perfectly good name to something ridiculous is awesome.

Awesome.

Homer: So I want the monogram to read "M-A-X P-O-W ... "
Employee: Sir, traditionally, a monogram is just initials.
Homer: Max Power doesn't abbreviate. Each letter is as important as the one that preceded it. Maybe more important! No, as important.
Employee: Very well.
Homer: And if you've got enough room, add some exclamation points and a pirate flag.
Trent: The man knows what he likes.

Homer: Then I'd like to legally change my name!
Judge: What name would you prefer?
Homer: Any of these will be fine.
Judge: Hmm. "Hercules Rockefeller." "Rembrandt Q. Einstein." "Handsome B. Wonderful." I'm going to give you the only name you spelled correctly. From this day forward, your name shall be...

Lisa: "Max Power"?
Homer: Dynamic, isn't it?
Bart: I love it, Max.
Marge: You changed your name without consulting me?
Homer: That's the way Max Power is, Marge. Decisive. Uncompromising! And rude!
Marge: But I fell in love with Homer Simpson! I don't want to snuggle with "Max Power!"
Homer: Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the "G"s!
Marge: Oh, Lord.
Homer: And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh, no. I'm taking charge! Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

Your special demotivational plaque

I was just over at the Macon Police Department's records division going through some reports. I noticed they have one of those motivational posters - you know the type with some sort of inspirational picture, a one-word theme and a clever little saying?

Well, this one said "TEAMWORK" and had a picture of the Great Wall of China.

That's pretty fantastic, since the Great Wall of China was built largely on forced labor, and hundreds of thousands of people died during its construction. But I guess it's better than giving office workers the plague.

Homer: Thanks for giving me my old job back.
Burns: I'm afraid it's not that simple. As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague.
Smithers: Uh, sir, that's the plaque.
Burns: Ah yes, the special demotivational plaque to break what's left of your spirit. Because, you see, you're here forever.

In my weaker moments, I almost pity them

Just a few thoughts on Georgia tech before I move on...

It must be incredibly frustrating to be a serious tech fan. And I don't just mean the program's commitment to mediocrity (7-5 again? Shocking). Or the ability to beat Auburn and lose to Wake Forest in the same season, though both must be maddening. It's dealing with your own fan base.

Many individual tech fans are alright. I met a couple Saturday that I enjoyed talking to. But the self-whammy machine that is their fan base as a whole is pathetic. (Is that too obvious a statement? Probably.)

How is it that, in the biggest game of your season, in one of the smallest major college football stadiums in America, for a game where the opposing team fills at least 30 percent of your seats, how is it that you can't fill the rest?

Throughout the game I could see empty seats in the back of the endzone, in what appeared to be the student section.

You can't even fill the student section? What must that do to the tech fan's psyche? Is this why you guys are so angry all the time?

And the pre-game stuff - someone call the tech athletic department and tell them slow piano music is probably not the best background for player introductions. That releasing a whole two dozen balloons into the air is not impressive. That the band's all white uniforms really just scream "surrender."

But I do love the way fans jump up and down and yell "Wa-ah-ah-ahh-ahh-ahh" right before their team comes out. Credit where credit is due: It gives the whole event the air of a big-time high school basketball game.

Enjoy the bile and envy, fellows. Fire your coach and we'll see you next year in Athens.