I meant to post this over the weekend. A buddy of mine called about 1:30 a.m. Sunday morning (aka early in the Saturday evening drinking hours) and left the message below. No names unless he asks me to include it. He knows who he is. And he's hilarious.
"Hey, mother $^@$er, this is God. And I've decided to kick you out of the universe."
While I'm at it, a couple of other gems from my friend:
About a guy with a hangover: "He looked like the dinosaurs after the bomb went off."
And on women: "We win some and we lose some. And we always lose more than we win."