Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Wheel of Whammies

Since life has little to no meaning until two Saturdays when we can (damn well better) beat Tennessee, I don't get any particular joy in posting this. But I've long considered my friends and I something of innovators in tailgating.

Chances are, if you've ever seen girls on campus swinging a stick at a pinata filled with whiskey, that was us. Or it was someone who got it from us. Secretly, my parents are proud of that.

I invented whiskey fishing, which is just like fishing for Bible verses, which maybe you did in Vacation Bible School. Except there are airplane bottles of bourbon wrapped with metal wire wrapped and thrown in a big pool of water.

This weekend debuted The WHEEL OF WHAMMIES! which sounds cooler if you say it in like a gameshow voice.

Now, a whammy can be a lot of things.

There are various whammy theories and kinds of whammies. The Boomerang. The Super Whammy.

But generally there is one truth, with a few exceptions keeping us from A Unified Whammy Theory.

And that truth is this: All whammies are self whammies.

The idea of the wheel, while dependent on that rule, is more fun than that. Because there are more good things on the wheel, or W.O.W., than bad. And, just as the one SUPER WHAMMY! must be pretty damn unfortunate for the spinner, so must the prizes be an equal enticement to make people want to play.

There's stuff written under those silver triangles. And on one of them.

So the wheel is spun, and the whammy is "revealed." Boomerang! means another person gets to spin the wheel, but whatever it lands on, happens to you.

The Sack! is much better than it sounds, since it's grab back of various small Georgia prizes.

Which brings us to The Super Whammy. That can be the hardest one to think of, and is clearly the most important.

On Saturday, when we hit Super Whammy on the first ever spin, I should have known we were doomed. The Florida loss made me worry. The USC loss probably should have warned me, but I was too damn stupid.

Oh, we could be No. 1 after this weekend. Oh, we're so good.

I read Coach Richt's comments, and I saw him at Gameday and he looked so relaxed, I just figured he knew something the rest of us only suspected: That it was on, baby.

But it was hung up in a spider web, perhaps not unlike the economy. Like my buddy joe said, in paraphrase, A lot of plans were built on 'hope toos.'

If the o-line could gel (which isn't unreasonable, since there should be talent), if we could avoid injuries for the most part (which is harder when you don't block), if the D-line stepped up (It's not time to lose hope on that)...

And then Bama showed up and whipped our ass. Hats off to them, they played great. Like my buddy Mike Donila said, they'll be crying before the year ends, but they flat out destroyed us.

When I was younger I used to write "Humility" on my forearm before games, particularly when a season was going well. My friends make fun of this, and I don't blame them.

I actually thought about doing that Friday night, but didn't. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have helped.

But that's not to say humility isn't key to a lot in this world, to say nothing of the next.

My friends, peace be with you. And if you see some idiots spinning a Red and Black wheel, come on by.

Is it a self-whammy for writing it, or reading it?


Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure the Grand Whammy Theory will include the following (in no particular order):

Emergency room
Lou Holtz (or Urban Meyer)
Time travel
The Dawgs
at least one Unzicker


Joy said...

Okay, now I have to come to your tailgate!! We're always on Field Street in front of the Physics building. Where are you guys? I gotta spin that wheel!

Brett said...

First of all, I love the fact that in order to read this, I must look at a close up picture of my crotch, covered in G's. If I really wanted to do that, I'd look in the mirror.

Secondly, Joe, when you write "JP" at the end of your post, there is no point in going "anonymous."

Lucid Idiocy said...

self whammies all around

Lucid Idiocy said...

And, Joy, we're over near the SPACenter in the parking lot for the printing department.

I got a map I'll email you .

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