May your family share laughter

Thank you. And Happy New Year, one and all.


May your wishes come true.

So, the bowl game's like tomorrow, right?

Thursday? Close enough.

Dawgs play defense, offense sputters in the first half but hits its stride, Georgia wins by 17.

Stafford stays in school another year.

Moreno goes pro.

The kind of banter we're looking for

Promoted from the comments, because I want everyone to see the kind of witty rejoinders that will be rewarded here at Lucid Idiocy:

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,
Your writing is as bad as your reasoning.
December 29, 2008 11:55 AM

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,
Your writing is as bad as your reasoning.
December 29, 2008 11:55 AM

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,
You write and think like a retard.
December 29, 2008 12:00 PM

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,
Let me put it in terms you can understand.
You Stupid.
December 29, 2008 12:01 PM

Bonus points if you double post.

All I want for Christmas

This came to me in the email. If you put it together, well done. Let me know so I can give you credit.

"Transformed team" loses to Island University

"He banked it in from 42 feet. Oh my goodness."
- Scott Howard

Two days after escaping against lowly Wofford with an overtime buzzer beater, the Georgia basketball team went down, at home, on an overtime buzzer beater.

You mess around long enough, and that's what happens. Against Texas A&M Corpus Christi. The Islanders. Who lost to Savannah State last week 42-47.

Give me a freaking break.

"The next time we take the floor, we're gonna be a transformed team."
- Dennis Felton
Dec. 9, 2008

If you ever wanted to spend Spring in Iceland, now is the time.

It's a $400 round trip from Boston or New York to Reykjavik, Iceland, if you fly before March 31 on Iceland Air.

From there, you can get to Amsterdam, for example, for $150 one-way.







You'd be stupid not to do it. Image: Iceland tourist board.

Searels: Best coach on the team?

BRETT: Athens won again last night.

ME: Oh, yeah?

BRETT: Yeah. Kind of ran up the score on me, too.

In other... news, I also predict that Stacy Searels stays at Georgia and continues to be awesome. Joe and I made lists of coaches we'd least like to lose:

Me:
Searels
Richt
Van Halanger
Garner

Joe:
Van Halanger
Garner
Searels
Richt

When I mentioned he'd put Richt 4th, Joe wanted to redo his list. I wouldn't allow it.

Peace in our time

Always remember the people in harm's way.


Courtesy the United States Army.

From Georgia Sports Blog:

Amen Paul. Absolutely right. I am sick of the negativism as well. I spent 9 months in Iraq in 2003. All these whiners here need to get a life and understand that there are lots of things in life worse than being 9-3. Constructive criticism is justified....whining whimpism is pathetic. Spend a day at Hartsfield Jackson Airport and meet and greet those Soldiers and Marines on their way back to Iraq and Afghanistan. No whining there and they have a hell of lot more reason to whine than some of these spoiled Georgia "bandwagon" fans.

Owens: I can't leave losing to tech

Jeff Owens' decision to stay for another year is huge. Particularly if this attitude takes hold:

"I love college, and I’m glad to be here,” Owens said. “I didn’t have a senior year like I wanted. We lost to (Georgia) tech, and I can’t leave losing to tech. I’ve got to get revenge on that.”

I tell you what, that science times is good.

By 2050 or so, the world population is expected to reach nine billion, essentially adding two Chinas to the number of people alive today.
- DOT Earth, The New York Times.

The Science Times comes out on Wednesdays.

Energy usage forecast 2030.

Progress on Giardia vaccine. I know, right? It's a water-born parasite.

"Cooler year on a warming planet."


Image: Nasa, via Dot Earth, The New York Times.

Max Power doesn't abbreviate.

Or, "I got it from the hairdryer" and "What are you looking at, Dicknose?"

Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end Greg White has officially changed his name to "Styles G. White" after Stiles from Teen Wolf.

That is awesome. Changing your perfectly good name to something ridiculous is awesome.

Awesome.

Homer: So I want the monogram to read "M-A-X P-O-W ... "
Employee: Sir, traditionally, a monogram is just initials.
Homer: Max Power doesn't abbreviate. Each letter is as important as the one that preceded it. Maybe more important! No, as important.
Employee: Very well.
Homer: And if you've got enough room, add some exclamation points and a pirate flag.
Trent: The man knows what he likes.

Homer: Then I'd like to legally change my name!
Judge: What name would you prefer?
Homer: Any of these will be fine.
Judge: Hmm. "Hercules Rockefeller." "Rembrandt Q. Einstein." "Handsome B. Wonderful." I'm going to give you the only name you spelled correctly. From this day forward, your name shall be...

Lisa: "Max Power"?
Homer: Dynamic, isn't it?
Bart: I love it, Max.
Marge: You changed your name without consulting me?
Homer: That's the way Max Power is, Marge. Decisive. Uncompromising! And rude!
Marge: But I fell in love with Homer Simpson! I don't want to snuggle with "Max Power!"
Homer: Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the "G"s!
Marge: Oh, Lord.
Homer: And it doesn't stop in the bedroom. Oh, no. I'm taking charge! Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

Gene Chizik. Huh.

UPDATE: Blutarsky is right on. I'm about two more answers like that away from walking down the street and just telling people the Auburn Athletic Department is a racist institution.
----
Does anyone remember the Bugs Bunny skit where he meets Hansel and Gretel, and Bugs Bunny just keeps repeating the name Hansel like he absolutely can't believe or process that this kids name is Hansel?

This is what it sounds like.

That seems to be the nearly universal response to Auburn hiring Gene Chizik as their new head football coach. I'd be laughing, except for the very small percentage chance that it might work. I don't like taking chances.

ME: Turner Gill was the only one who scared me.

JOE: Gene Chizik. Who did not win a conference game this year.

ME: Are we sure this is right?

JOE: He was 2-10, dude.

ME: And not Turner Gill.

What would be even more fantastic, would be if Iowa State would hire Turner Gill to replace Chizik. But I'm not asking for that. That would be greedy.

UPDATE: Well, Kirk Herbstreit says it's an "outstanding hire."

"Auburn, congratulations. You got a great one."

Terminator Salvation

Looks pretty freaking good to me.

Did you know there was a South Georgia Island off Antartica?

I bet they got a hell of a football team. From National Geographic:


The article is actually about elephant seals.

I mean it's just in the middle of nowhere.

The best thing about New Years, is the Christmas lights

Georgia tech made this far less funny a couple weeks ago, but this is an actual program being run by their booster organization:

Retailers often say that they don't stock Georgia Tech merchandise because there is no demand. The new program outfits Yellow Jacket fans with "I Want MY GT" cards to put in the hands of retailers, encouraging them to sell Georgia Tech products. Specifically, the message on the card states, "Dear Retailer, I'm one of thousands of Yellow Jacket fans, and I want my GT! You can help us show our school pride by carrying Georgia Tech merchandise and we'll help you become an official Buzz Stop."

Fans are also asked to sign a pledge:

I, Your Name: , do solemnly pledge before Buzz and on all that is white and gold to let retailers know that I want my GT!


It's like they do these things on purpose.
-----
Me at some point during the SEC Title game:

I feel a little like the Russian crowd in Rocky IV.

I still hate America, but Tim Tebow has made me stop hating him.

Wait, that can't be right...

----
Also during the SEC Championship, Brent Musberger said he wants an elite committee of former coaches and players to name the two teams playing for the National Championship. I agree, but think it could be more than two.

It should be however many it takes, with the number changing each year, if that's what makes sense that year. I'm happy to vote.
----
Maybe Tebow's Drago. Like he killed Apollo this year, but Rennie Curran's going to tackle him in downtown Gainesville this Christmas...

I don't know. He's got that spiked hair.









And the freaking high school Tim Tebow almost scares me more than the current one:


We will not be stopped. I will not be stopped, right now.
----
In Athens the other day, I visited the gymnastics/basketball practice complex adjacent to Stegman Coliseum for the first time. That place is awesome.

I noticed we named the center after Nine Time National Champion Gymnastics Coach Suzanne Yoculan, but we put a picture of Don Leeburn by the door.

"Don Leeburn's contribution to the new facility made the naming of the Suzanne Yoculan Gymnastics Center possible," says the plaque at the front door and just outside coaches' offices.

Just the naming, huh? Where's the plaque that says, "And don't you forget it, Babe."















----
Finally, I am happy to report that the Christmas lights are out in downtown Athens. And they are just as beautiful as ever.

The song they remind me of has horns.

The best part thing New Year's is the Christmas lights...

That Richt, he's a jokester

I was in Athens yesterday for work, and the speech I was covering was close to the practice fields.

So I'm walking by and see Coach Richt in his hat and I've got my camera, so I go to snap a picture. And, jokingly, he points and yells "Hey, are you from East Lansing?"


No, sir. I'm from Macon.

I only watched a few minutes, but Massaquoi made a sweet catch. What else is new?

Felton: "The next time we take the floor, we're gonna be a transformed team."

As I was driving home from tonight's basketball game and listening to the post-game show (Dawgs beat Virginia Tech 67-66 with a pretty darn good second half of play), Head Coach Dennis Felton promised significant improvement from the team by the time they play Wofford.

That's 11 days from now, due to a break for finals.

Having not learned my lesson during previous years, this gives me hope for the season. And I say we hold him to his promise. Because the team I saw tonight, with just a little work, could climb right into the middle echelon of conference mediocrity.

And I say that in all seriousness and with a sense of optimism.


Some of the 350 people attending these games deserve it.

UGA Basketball just wants its stapler

I want Georgia to succeed at everything. And basketball is no exception.

But with a 64-66 record under Head Coach Dennis Felton, and limited fan interest, I'm beginning to wonder: Did we cancel the basketball program and no one told the players or coaching staff?


"You know, squirrelly looking guy, mumbles a lot. ... We can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here."

Of course, I reserve the right to jump right on the bandwagon, should something ridiculous happen.

The last time we played Michigan State was Dooley's last game.

It's the only time we've met, and we're 1-0. We let these dudes tie it, it might stay that way for a long, long time. So pay freaking attention, Georgia.

From GSB:

The game will feature two of the nation's best running backs in Jevon Ringer of Michigan State vs. Knowshon Moreno of the Georgia Bulldogs.

Personally, I think this is the most appropriate bowl destination for this team given the season we've had so far. MSU hasn't beaten anyone of note this season, and neither have our Bulldogs. It's a test to see who is most legit.

Let me add my voice to the chorus of agreement: Tim Tebow is ready for the NFL

I got Bama by 10 if they can injure Tim Tebow. Otherwise, it looks pretty strong for Florida, even with Percy Harvin being out.

We all know there are no winners in this game.

I've never seen one bigger and I've worked two National Championships.
- Gary Danielson (paraphrase)

"And this picket fence we're sitting on really hurts."
- Verne Lundquist

Greg Maddux

Greg Maddux I will steal a picture for.






















Image: Brian Bahr, Getty Images, via ESPN.

The AJC and others reporting that Greg Maddux will retire.

And that is how it's done.

The renaming of East Campus Road

In lieu of talking about not tackling.

It's been on my mind for a while. Current possibilities:

1980 Boulevard
Dooley-Walker Road
Walker-Dooley Road
Steel Chair Street

Considering the world's agreement that Herschel Walker might be The Greatest College Football Running Back of All Time, it's pretty staggering that there is no statue of the guy at the stadium.

It's not like everyone can't think of a good pose. He could be doing this. Or this. Or this. Potentially this. Or this. This might be over the top. But maybe this.

Or this, which has sound.

We might have to name the entire campus after Munson.

The Dooley garden seems nicely done. Tim Tucker at The AJC had this at the bottom of a piece he did last week:

A noted lover of plants, Dooley... accompanied renowned horticulturist and former UGA professor Michael Dirr and Atlanta landscape architect Alex Maddox to a nursery in Hickory, N. C., to personally select many of the trees and shrubs that have been planted in the plaza.

Maddox said visitors “will see plants they don’t normally see — weeping plants and variegated pines,” among others. And plenty of Dooley’s beloved Japanese maples.

The center of attention, though, is the bronzed Dooley, held aloft by players wearing Nos. 64 and 88. The numbers represent the first (1964) and last (1988) seasons that Dooley coached the Dogs. On the back of the bronzed jerseys, the players’ names are “National” and “Champions."

I'll tell you a secret about reporters: We like to put cool stuff at the end.

The Dooley Garden is fine. Until President Adams leaves and we can move the statue to the stadium and keep the park, too. The Michael Adams Athletic Complex Dawg Park. That has a certain ring to it.

Auburn proves they're dumb.

One day I want someone at Auburn to explain why they've been trying to fire Tommy Tuberville for 5 years.

ME: We should hire Tuberville to be D-Coordinator.

JOE: You think he and Sylvester Croom would split it?

Tavarres King: Medical redshirt possibility

David Hale notes, in his breakdown of next year's potential new impact players, the freshman wide receiver applied for a medical redshirt after being injured in or around the Arizona State game.

My understanding from our sports department is that medical redshirts are usually decided on sometime after the season. Be nice if he gets it.

Wildcard!

This could be the 20 funniest, dumbest minutes on the Internet. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.


Now is not the right time to pull the wildcard, OK?.