Next year I will recognize the men's basketball team as existing.

I promise. For now, the season that never was continues in all of its "we can almost see .500 from here... but not in the SEC" glory.

But instead of wallowing in that pool of self pity, let's remember, uh, better(?) times.

Because this is hilarious.

Actual! Football! News!

Pre-spring depth chart! Pre-spring depth chart!

It will all be here before you know it.

The PBR lamp

Every now and then for my job I drive into the absolute middle of nowhere, turn left, and end up at the gas station / grocery store / bait shop that time forgot.

Today I was in Crawford County, and ended up in Musella, a little cross roads that mostly consists of a peach packing shed for a major peach company. It isn't really in "the middle of nowhere," but I love hyperbole.

Anyway, in this little gas station in downtown Musella they had all kinds of cool, old stuff. But one item, in particular, stood out.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the PBR lamp:













Never drink in the dark by yourself again.

The Racehorse

Lamar "Racehorse" Davis died Saturday at the age of 86. A member of the 1942 National Title team, I believe he still holds the school record for average gain per reception in a season.

He was a wide receiver before there really were wide receivers. From the Georgia Sports Information Department:

Former University of Georgia football star Lamar “Racehorse” Davis died Saturday, Feb. 23, at his home on St. Simons Island, Ga. He was 86.

He played wide receiver for the Bulldogs from 1940-42 and was a member of the 1942 SEC and national championship team. Davis was inducted into the State of Georgia Sports Hall of Fame in 1990. He is widely known for catching the 65-yard yard TD pass from Frank Sinkwich to beat Auburn 7-0 in 1941 as the final horn went off while the ball was in the air.

This is the AP coverage of that play, as printed in The Macon Telegraph on Nov. 2, 1941:

Georgia seemed not to have a ghost of a chance, but the ghost walked in Memorial Stadium before 17,000 customers. With three seconds to play the redoubtable Frankie Sinkwich tossed a sensational touchdown pass for a 7-0 victory over stubborn Auburn.

On the receiving end of the winning heave was Lamar [Race Horse] Davis who took in the 40-yard heave at at Auburn's 25 and scampared on across the goal even after the final whistley blew to bring victory to an out-played Georgia squad.

Auburn needs beating in the afterlife, too.










Image: Georgia Sports Communications.

For what it's worth

I had entirely too much to drink Saturday and wrote this:

Old pine trees have few limbs.

I seem to remember it being a metaphor.

Today's Lucid Idiocy

Just a random page from my notebook. This one, it turns out, was written just about the time I started this blog.

The "go crazy" line, in fact, is about this blog. The Mike Wallace thing is from my favorite car insurance commercial. "A Christmas Carole" may be the best piece of fiction ever written.

And I do not feel like a sexual dynamo. But I do snore:

God Bless us, every one.
- Tiny Tim

Hey, we're all contributing to the tapestry of humanity. Being woven, as it were.

I know you think that I might go crazy. And I have news for you: I will.

I got the key, to the Highway.
- Eric Clapton

Can't beat the world, he said.
Shit, I beat the world last week, I said right back. ---ker keeps calling me, asking for a rematch.

Isn't it amazing how women can just make the world stop.

When it's about Mike Wallace, the story ends with me putting him in the wall.
- Kid, GEICO commercial

Please, I'm like the worst suitor you ever had.

Almost all sexual dynamos snore.

Progress is often based on failure.

Those remote control boats...

The 009 best Bond movies

Here you go: Lucid Idiocy's official ranking of the best James Bond movies of all time, based on the rankings of our illustrious panel. Whoever ranked them highest gives their reasons:

007. A tie between Goldeneye and The Man with the Golden Gun. Of course, by all rights, neither of these should have made the list because we've got a tie at 006, too. But Golden Gun was my personal No. 1. No way it wasn't making the list.

006. Another tie:
Goldfinger: Bond at his swinging, gadget-filled, bad-joke best. With the incomparable Sean Connery (who was and always will remain THE JAMES BOND), the quintessential Bond Girl Pussy Galore, and the incredible villain team of Auric Goldfinger and his crazy, hat-slinging henchman Oddjob, this movie has everything that makes Bond movies so fun to watch.
- Erin Ivanov







From Russia with Love: I'm pretty sure I've never actually met any Russians, but isn't it awfully fun to hate them? Tatiana Romanova is just a first-rate Bond beauty, and the SPECTRE agency a perfect baddie.
- Keith Demko








005. For Your Eyes Only With the cliff scene, the octagon-glass-wearing villain, the Greek underworld feud and the gorgeous cross-bow wielding Melina Havelock bent on avenging her parents, how could it not be on the list?
- Me.






004. Diamonds are Forever
Perhaps not really the third-best Bond movie, but just the removal of the asshat George Lazenby is enough to put it here for me. Connery as diamond smuggler Peter Franks is also pretty fun to watch.
- Keith







003. The Spy who Loved me
Simply the greatest opening sequence in the franchise. The movie itself is solid, Bond girl Barbara Bach is fantastic, there's an underwater lair, a plot to destroy mankind, and the damn movie even has Jaws in it, people, Jaws. Nobody does it better. Or with a larger British flag.
- Me


002. Dr. No
James Bond in Jamaica? 'Nuff said. As Connery tries to foil Dr. No's evil plot to, of course, take over the world, he's helped by still the Bond babe with best name, Ursula Andress as "Honey Ryder."
- Keith











001. Casino Royale
"Casino Royale" sees the franchise come full circle from "Dr. No" with Daniel Craig filling the 007 role like no one has since Connery. Craig is gritty and cruel, and can carry off those one-liners without being cheesy -- but also shows a passionate heart and how that heart gets mostly buried with the death of true love Vesper Lynd. Features the best writing, storytelling and character development seen since the early Connerys. -Erin

That's not a bad list. Special thanks to my brother, Jacob, for realizing there should be 7 movies on it.

Your special demotivational plaque

I was just over at the Macon Police Department's records division going through some reports. I noticed they have one of those motivational posters - you know the type with some sort of inspirational picture, a one-word theme and a clever little saying?

Well, this one said "TEAMWORK" and had a picture of the Great Wall of China.

That's pretty fantastic, since the Great Wall of China was built largely on forced labor, and hundreds of thousands of people died during its construction. But I guess it's better than giving office workers the plague.

Homer: Thanks for giving me my old job back.
Burns: I'm afraid it's not that simple. As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague.
Smithers: Uh, sir, that's the plaque.
Burns: Ah yes, the special demotivational plaque to break what's left of your spirit. Because, you see, you're here forever.

I miss Cheers and I hate reality T.V.

Seriously, it just keeps getting more ridiculous.

Superman that... Oh wow.

If you missed Saturday night's NBA Slam Dunk Contest, you missed something special. Nice to be able to say that again.

"He blew it out, Chuck."


Check the replay. He goes off of both feet.

And then I lost my nerve

UPDATE: This post was initially titled "---- Racism." The idea was to make some sort of commentary about what we're offended by versus what we probably ought to be offended by.
---
Which one of those words do you figure is the ugliest?


I'm scared of what I won't become. And you're scared of what I might become.

The Dooley statue

When plans were announced to honor Coach Dooley with a statue and park near the practice fields, I thought it sounded like a nice honor. I had no idea it was really a thinly veiled slap from University President Michael Adams.

Insider Advantage polled "594 Georgians - 325 of whom identified themselves as individuals who 'watch, listen to, or attend University of Georgia football games and are a fan'" and came up with this opinion split on honoring Dooley:

Add name to stadium: 48%
Name field for Dooley: 45%
Erect statue and name complex after Dooley: 7%

Personally, I like the statue and the complex, though I might have chosen to put the statue just outside of the stadium. And I might have named the student section at Sanford Stadium in Coach Dooley's honor. And for years I've wondered why we haven't renamed East Campus Road "Dooley-Walker Boulevard."

But, when it comes to renaming the stadium... I can't believe it, but I'm going to agree with President Adams for quite possibly the first time ever.

The stadium already has a name. Hyphenating stadium names is something Auburn and Alabama do. Naming the field at the stadium is something Georgia tech does.

It's not that Coach Dooley doesn't deserve just about any honor we can give him, because he does. It's just that we don't do it that way here. Let's name the park and the statue, then let's do something else for Coach Dooley as well.

But save something real big for Coach Richt, because after he wins 17 National Titles and cures cancer in the next 20 years, we're going to need to have that ready to go.

UGA Athletic Department to punch loyalists in face

Despite being one of the nation's most profitable athletic departments, it looks like the University of Georgia is going to raise season ticket prices. And not just a little, by $8. That's 25 freaking percent.

Twenty-five freaking percent on the backs of the very people the department depends on most, the season ticket holders who have to make an annual donation just for the right to buy tickets.

Now, to be fair, The AJC reports that the $32 tickets were 9th most expensive in the SEC, and this would move us up to sixth.

But what I want to know is what about the millions we get for making the BCS, not to mention our share of LSU's payout for making the BCS last year, since the SEC splits the money up?

And what about all this money?

The board also approved the Athletic Association’s new budget, which is expected to hit $63.4 million in fiscal year 2007. The projected expenditures of the department for that year are $50 million, meaning the Bulldogs once again will have one of the most profitable programs in the country. ...

For fiscal year 2006, the Bulldogs conservatively project they will place $7.8 million in reserve, pay $6 million on their debt and have $3.4 million left in unallocated funds, essentially profit. Taken as a whole, that means Georgia will make at least another $18 million this year, according to how the department of education measures profit, and could once again be the nation’s most profitable program, Evans acknowledged.

If I was going to figure the profit based on those numbers, I'd put it at $11.2 million (reserves + unallocated, but not including the debt payment). That's still pretty freaking good.

Good grief, can't we soak someone else, and let the season ticket holders share in the department's financial success as well as it's athletic success?

UPDATE: Damon sent me a canned email and I feel much better:

Dear Charles,

I want to take this opportunity to say thank you for your support of University of Georgia Athletics and more specifically, Georgia Football. As a Hartman Fund Donor and season football ticket buyer you provide the resources necessary to ensure we have a championship program both academically and athletically.

As you may know, the Athletic Association's Board of Directors recently approved a proposal to increase the price of season football tickets. The 2008 season football ticket will now be $40.00 per game. This new pricing will help us meet our overall athletic budget demands, yet still keep us in the middle of the SEC's ticket prices.

I understand that any increase in ticket prices results in a financial impact on you, our fans. Please know that this proposal was carefully studied and debated, and it marks the first time since 2002 that we have increased our football ticket price.

All of us in the Athletic Department remain steadfast on being good stewards of the financial resources you have helped to provide. We will continue to appreciate the vital role you play in the overall success of the Georgia Bulldogs.

Damon Evans
Director of Athletics

Prepare for awesome

The man in the hat is back, May 22.

Happy Valentines Day from the bikini.

Any of you ladies looking for a small Valentine's Day gift for the man in your life, nothing portrays confidence in your own sex appeal like giving him pictures of super models in bikinis.


By the way, apparently you don't even have to buy the magazine anymore. The Internet gets more impressive every day.

"He was just giving Eisenhower hell."

David Ching, who is the Georgia beat writer for the Columbus paper, wrote a cool story about George "Kid" Woodruff. Woodruff was a Georgia man and coach of the 1927 "Dream and Wonder" team that went 9-1 and won a share of the National Title.

I think this was my favorite line, from his son:

"He called it 'THE school.' He'd get mad if people didn't know what he was talking about," Woodruff Jr. recalled. "He just flat had a very fond attachment to the University of Georgia."

And this is the story the article begins with:

Take this phone conversation, overheard many years ago by Woodruff's son, George Jr., with Dwight Eisenhower -- Woodruff's old acquaintance from Fort Benning's Officer's Club:

"I remember coming in the back door and hearing Daddy say, 'Listen dammit, Ike. I don't care. You listen to me, I want you to get' -- and I can't remember whether he said (Georgia star halfbacks Charley) Trippi or (Frank) Sinkwich -- 'I want you to get them out of that man's army, and I want you to get them out now.' He was just giving Eisenhower hell," Woodruff Jr. recalled.

"I remember walking back to where my Momma was and she said, 'Who's your Daddy talking to on the phone?' and I said, 'He's talking to General Eisenhower and Momma, they're gonna come and put him under the jail.'"

Awesome. Thanks to the boys at Georgia Sports Blog for calling my attention to the story.

Show me the way to go home

You probably saw that Roy Scheider died the other day. For my money, this is the best scene in American movie history. I could only find it broken in two on YouTube. If you just want the singing, that's the second one.


It's even better if you're half drunk and it just comes on T.V. at 1 a.m.

Honoring Coach Dooley

I think this is fitting, and I particularly like the statue. It's one of the most iconic images of Coach Dooley. I initially wanted to see this statue placed closer to the stadium, perhaps at the southeast entrance that was redone a few years back, but this sounds like it will become a nice corner of campus.

I don't know exactly what the statue will look like. There are a few well known pictures of Coach Dooley on his player's shoulders, but this is the one I found online through the University of Georgia Library:












How 'bout this Dawg.

Oh, inspiration. You know she only waits a moment.

I keep this string of black notebooks, and when I started this blog I thought a lot of that stuff would end up here. But, for the most part, it's been two separate efforts. You can't really post a YouTube video from Rocky III into a notebook, I guess.

But I thought I'd share the most recent page, verbatim. Obviously the word "funny" shouldn't be in there twice. I have no idea what word I meant to use, or which one should be replaced, or whether I just wrote the sentence twice. I was probably drinking at the time.

We built cathedrals to our mistakes.

What are you, Dean Wormer?

When she came in I was dry-shaving with a single-blade, disposable razor. It was going terribly.
"How can you do that," she said.
"You'd be amazed what you can accomplish when your target is 'half-assed,'" I said.

The bigger the lie the more incoherent the facts can be.

Some days I think I'd like to go to Bethlehem and hold up a sign that says: "Please."
And other days I just think I'm funny.
And still other days I just think I'm funny. And a million other things. Well, not a million.

Callin' it your job don't make it right, boss.
- Cool Hand Luke

A man who don't care about himself is a powerful man.

There's a lot of ways to judge people, only one way to know them.

Vaguely unintelligible, hilarious, ridiculous, just plain wrong, depressing, Paul Newman, brilliant, brilliant.

By the way, Cool Hand Luke and Die Hard were on t.v. this weekend. And it was that AMC version of Die Hard where they tell you a bunch of interesting facts about the movie. Did you know that Little Richard apparently married Bruce Willis and Demi Moore?

The following people should never listen to anything I say:

Everyone.

Feel free to pay attention to what I write.

Where is my badge?

I told you that the light goes up and down.
Don't you notice how the wheel goes round?
And you better pick yourself up from the ground
before they bring the curtain down.

Is anyone else amazed by dryer lint?

The amount of it, I mean. How is there anything left of my clothes?

Also, I love the sayings "first things first" and "it's always in the last place you look."

Who's gonna disagree with that?

www.yougottased.com

As we were watching some of the election returns come in last night here at work, some of us started talking about a golden internet opportunity: A website dedicated to people getting tasered.

Not the police brutality kind, mind you. Just the funny ones. These are my favorites from waaaay to much research on youtube.

No. 4: Chewbacca in spanish.


No. 3: Eric Astrata makes everything more entertaining.


No. 2: A cop accidentally tasering himself? Sign me up.


No. 1: Beer + taser + moron = comedic genius.

Happy Signing Day

This is the only analysis I feel qualified to give you on our new signees: These guys are badass.

For coverage, feel free to visit The Telegraph's signing day page.

Travelin' Man

I don't think the article is available online, but the winter issue of Georgia Music Magazine has a cover story on Widespread Panic. And the article opens with the story of Michael Houser, the former lead guitarist who died of pancreatic cancer, writing what I believe was his last song: Travelin' Man.

The story goes that J.B., the band's front man and Houser's good friend, sat at his bedside, transcribing the lyrics as Houser came in and out of consciousness.

Look at these lyrics. Can you imagine writing this song, knowing that you might never leave your bed again, much less your home? Maybe there was no other way to write it.

Been thinkin' all day
Packin' my car
With this baggage of mine
I wouldn't get too far

Stored away on a bus
No need to hide
I'm slowing down
Catchin' one last ride

Been feelin' alright
For a couple of days
Either in a fog
Or a sunny haze

Got a big hole
In my deflector screen
What I really need
Warp nine, Geordi, please

Wanna keep my eyes on the road
Wanna carry my life in a bag
Like to live in a hotel room
Wanna be a travelin' man

What is Love?

I missed a lot of them, but this was my favorite Super Bowl commercial:

K-E-L-L-Y

If you're having trouble coming up with the perfect Valentine's Day gift:

That's why a bear can rest at ease

You know, most of the things I worry about, this can be said of: That's a silly thing to worry about.

Wherever I wonder, wherever I roam...