Why the rapture didn't happen

Macho Man: Everything happens for a reason.
























No idea who's responsible for this, but I found it here. I'd love to know who to credit, and who to talk to about a line of beach blankets, curtains, bedspreads and other appropriate products.

Headed to see the governor

I sincerely apologize that this picture is not fully in focus.

Charlie Sheen embraces his own insanity

I was pretty well convinced that Charlie Sheen was insane and pitiable. Now I'm thinking he might be insane and hilarious.

Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes from Charlie Sheen

"Face it, I am living the life of a rock star Vatican assassin."

"A powerful never-coming-of-age story"

Poor Ralph Macchio.

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

Reversable tiger moon zebra striped bedspread

Driving through Siler City North Carolina last week I passed what I thought were a bunch of rugs hanging against a van, displayed for sale at $35 apiece.

It turns out they were bedspreads. Crazy velvet bedspreads.




"They're beautiful, aren't they?" the sales woman asked as I started snapping pictures. "Some of them are double sided."

"What's on the back of this one?" I asked, pointing to a blanket picturing two tigers ... hanging out on an asteroid near the moon?


"Zebra stripes," she replied.

In hindsight, it was a stupid question.

Seriously, Asheville, you need to take a shower

Look, I've been to more than 30 Widespread Panic shows. I lived in Athens for four years. I once spent two weeks camping in Colorado. But, holy shit, I went to Asheville, N.C., last weekend and I've never seen such an unreasonable number of hippies in my life.

I saw a guy with dreadlocks so ... dreadlocked they formed a shelf coming off the back of his head. I saw what appeared to be a 13-year-old girl clogging — badly — on the sidewalk for money.

There was a young woman covered head-to-toe in silver paint and clothing playing a drum for money. A guy nearby was working the same gimmick, except he was in all white, had a guitar and was pretending to be a statue until someone gave him some money.

I saw people in party hats with full drum set. They were just hanging out on the sidewalk, waiting for people to walk by. Then they'd shout "Surprise!"

I saw the biggest drum circle I've ever seen. They were just playing drums in the park downtown for like three hours.

I saw a kid, maybe 10 years old, with silver disks in his fucking earlobes. I saw more gay men sporting full-on mohawks than I thought existed, which, to be fair, means I saw one gay man sporting a full-on mohawk.

All in all, I just want to know, Asheville: Do I need to get the hose?

Ridiculous, North Carolina

This intersection is in Garner, N.C. It bothers me every time I drive by.



911? Yeah, send the trucks to the corner of dumbass and stupid.

Our ghostbusting movies are better than our soccer

My thanks to whoever put Ghostbusters on cable yesterday after the World Cup game. It helped.

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I try hard not to steal professional pictures here. But this shot, from Guillermo Arias for the Associated Press, is the U.S.'s last game against Ghana for me.















Sending the goalie down. What could be more desperate, or less necessary if we'd played better defense?

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I also recommend these pictures of former President Bill Clinton hanging out with Mick Jagger.

Random facebook post from someone yesterday: "LOVE that Mick Jagger & Bill Clinton are BFFs. That should be a friggin' sitcom."

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Wait, Snoop Dawg is in a Star Wars themed soccer commercial?

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Wait, Time Magazine's co-founder loved acid?

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Lady Gaga wore stupid shoes and fell down.

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See if you can guess where this article jumps on the stupid train:

He adds that there could even be other 3-D universes “embedded alongside ours”.

“In theory, there could be another entire universe less than a millimetre away from us, but we are oblivious to it because that millimetre is measured in a fourth spatial dimension and we are imprisoned in just three,” he said.

“Some aspects of reality — a unified theory of physics or a full understanding of consciousness — might elude us simply because they’re beyond human brains, just as surely as Einstein’s ideas would baffle a chimpanzee,” he said. ...

The scientific mysteries that may be beyond us include

* Multiple dimensions — string theory suggests space has up to 11 dimensions, but mathematicians have struggled to prove this

* Consciousness — scientists suggest consciousness derives from chemical reactions in the brain but cannot explain how this might generate a sense of self

* Are we real? — Rees and other physicists have suggested the universe and humanity are part of a giant computer simulation as seen in the Matrix films.

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Finally, I don't know where this picture was taken, but I think the answer should be "everywhere."

Tony Hayward, you son of a bitch, all Americans have talent.

It's not enough to screw up our beaches and smother our pelicans, you have to infiltrate NBC's mediocre Wednesday night lineup too?

You suck, Tony Hayward.


Yeah. I don't know why I was watching America's Got Talent.

Come on, Kentucky

You've probably seen this Touchdown-Jesus-struck-by-lightning story on the interwebs.

Elaine Spencer, our Ohio Valley bureau chief, notes that the statue, visible from Interstate 75, is near Big Bone Lick State Park in Kentucky.

"No one's allowed to be crazy when South Carolina's around."

I looked for a companion piece I could point you toward to go with this Daily Show segment on the improbable U.S. Senate primary victory of South Carolina's Alvin Greene.

But nothing deserved to be paired with it.
Alvin Greene Wins South Carolina Primary

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Betty White was also on this show. I feel like I must be socially, and perhaps legally, obligated to mention that.

Also, the GOP candidate for State Treasurer is named Young Boozer

Back a week ago, when I was employed as a newspaper reporter, I ran a political blog. I left my job and put that blog on hiatus. Now I don't know where anything belongs. Pardon our mess.

I have a Yankee friend who went from Notre Dame to the University of Virginia to a law firm somewhere in Alabama. He's been there long enough now that he's not even surprised to see a gubernatorial candidate make fun of the fact that his opponent supported teaching evolution.

Said said yankee friend: "Every Republican in a primary accuses the other Republicans of being liberal. If the ads are to be believed, Alabama is the dream state for Democrats - even the Republicans are liberal."

And, yeah, the GOP candidate for state treasurer is indeed named Young Boozer.

Change the definition of inflammable

Do you ever think we just accept too many ridiculous little things?

By the way, the entire rest of the world can see that this is so obviously a terrible idea, NCAA. You have lost your mind.

They serve sand, and seat you next to a warlord

I can respect how difficult it must be to translate Amharic, or whatever this script is, into English. But the mistranslation here is one of life's wonderful ironic confluences.

I'll take the geologic history of Addis Ababa for $200, Alex.

The restaurant-to-be is at the corner of Chamblee-Tucker and Henderson Mill roads in metro Atlanta.

This is how I feel about Georgia tech

I don't know who drew it, but there's a print of this cartoon hanging in Marlow's Tavern on La Vista Road in Atlanta.



I like everything about that. The sentiment, the look on the dogs' faces, the fact that they're wearing suits, everything.

The Peanut Butter Kid, a Georgia Bulldog

I can't decide if this is awesome, or a debacle.

The above link is to ESPN. This is rom Deadspin:

Why this kid would cover himself in PB became crystal clear as the seconds on the clocked ticked down and UGA was about to wrap up its first win vs. a top 10 team at home since the Jim Harrick era. The students were reminded to NOT rush the court. ... As he rushed the court there wasn't a security guard or police officer willing to go anywhere near this kid.

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Mohs: "It's like that t-shirt you had years ago: 'Producing the best educated alcoholics since 1785.'"

Self-fulfilling prophecies

I honestly got nothing

That's actually a lie.

The 18 minutes I thought we might hire Bud Foster were some of my happiest in the last six months.
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I don't think I've ever mentioned this before but "lucid idiocy" is basically a better second draft to the phrase "stupid philosophy," which I always thought would make a clever small book title.

All words and titles patent pending, copyright 1976:

Let's say you find a monkey's paw, or a remote control with crazy powers, or some sort of box that grants wishes. Now, all lore, parables, movies, etc., point to this being too good to be true. Cursed, if you will.

And yet ...
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In the Bible, does it just say "thou shalt have no other gods before Me," or does it say, "There are no other gods?"
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We put an announcement in the paper: The million dollar party has been renamed the more than a million dollar party. All other plans remain as advertised.
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Jesus: Look, the important thing is to treat people the way you would want to be treated.

Peter: Ah, an eye for an eye.

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The column makes a good point: "If voters had to choose right now between instituting a draft or exiting Afghanistan and Iraq, the troops would be out of those two countries in a heartbeat."

Would be ninjas, let this be a lesson to you

From the Associated Press:

SEATTLE — Seattle police say a man who thought he was ninja was impaled on a metal fence when he tried to leap over it.

Saturday Update: Except for the dateline, this would substitute for the first sentence of any story about the Kentucky game.

This seems poorly named