What could have been: Quincy Carter arrested again

From USA Today:

MISSION, Texas (AP) — Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Quincy Carter was charged Friday with drunken driving and marijuana possession.

Carter's blood-alcohol level tested at 0.14, said Texas Department of Public Safety trooper Johnny Hernandez.

Chewing glass in '09, Jermaine Phillips, and the death of various radio stars

There comes a moment in every off season when you realize that you're ready for the next season.

Mine was Friday about 6 p.m. And all I could think about was the Alabama game, and how I felt after it. And that reminded me of the Florida game, and how I felt during the middle of that thing.

And all those people who think the months after a disappointing season are the time to lessen your support, you can leave.

Because in 2009 the Bulldogs chew glass.
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Jermaine Phillips is now a free agent. And on Sunday the Falcons announced that they won't renew Lawyer Malloy's contract.
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With last week's resigning of Mike Leach, Texas Tech proved at least one thing: They're not as dumb as Auburn.
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Georgia Tech record holder and multiple felon Kelly Campbell has signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

What will the Edmonton Eskimos do without his services? Or various drug cartels, for that matter.
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The song "Video Killed the Radio Star" takes on a lot deeper meaning when you work for a dying industry.


... and now I understand the problems you can see.

A question for lesbians

Women often go to the bathroom together.

Lesbians are women. Do lesbians go to the bathroom together?

Because I know I have no desire to be in the bathroom when my girlfriend is peeing.

Dawgs beat Gators, world rotation hiccups

If there weren't so many games left in the SEC, would you want the Hoop Dawgs to lose out so the 2009 season would forever carry an asterisk: "The 2009 Georgia basketball team nearly went winless in the Southeastern Conference, save for one victory over the University of Florida."

Probably not. Six games left:

Wed, Feb 18, Auburn, Athens, 7:30 p.m.
Sat, Feb 21, Ole Miss, at Oxford, 5:00 p.m.
Wed, Feb 25, Vanderbilt, Athens, 7:30 p.m.
Sun, Mar 01, Arkansas, at Fayetteville, 4:00 p.m., Raycom
Wed, Mar 04, Kentucky, at Lexington, 8:00 p.m., Raycom
Sat, Mar 07, South Carolina, Athens, 4:00 p.m.

UPDATE: The obvious just occurred to me. Since 1952 Georgia Tech was the last SEC team to go winless in the conference, beating Florida yesterday was like beating the Gators and the Jackets both at once.

Georgia football: Not gonna phone it in for 2009

Part of me thinks, "Good." And part of me wants to punch 2008 in the face. From David Hale:

It's been a common refrain in Georgia's locker room this offseason, but everyone seems to agree the team is working a lot harder than it did a year ago. Cox said the new focus has been obvious during seven-on-seven drills, when even the young players have stepped up to show their skills.

Not just harder. A lot harder.


Follow me, everyone. Let's go make an effort.

This just in: The Hoop Dawgs are not good

I knew the Dawgs were playing Tenneesee tonight. But it never occurred to me to watch.

Judging by the AP byline and Tennessee-centric lead on The AJC's story, neither did they.

Welcome to Sucktown, population us. There's an opening if you'd like to be mayor.

NICK: they're getting beat 51-27. Does basketball have a mercy rule?

ME: I had mercy on myself and didn't watch.

NICK: You're smarter than me. We gotta win at least one game in the conference though, right?

ME: Do we play ourselves?

A football player first and a wide receiver second. Is Hines Ward the greatest Dawg of all time?

"I'm always compared to Swann and Stallworth. (On Sunday) I kind of felt like I belonged in that class, having two Super Bowl rings."
- Hines Ward.

Anyone think maybe Lynn Swann and John Stallworth look at it the other way around?

Ward is the Steelers all-time leader in receptions, receiving yards, receiving touchdowns and receptions per game.

This past year was the fifth 1,000 yard season of Ward's career. He is the Steelers' franchise leader with 74 career post-season catches. He is a Super Bowl MVP and a four-time pro-bowler.

"He's not fast. He's not big. I don't know how the guy gets open, but he's a tough cookie. … After the play he'd hit you in the back of the head and he'd always have that little grin that could get on anybody's nerves."
- All-time NFL Safety Rod Woodson

At Georgia, Ward led the team in receiving yards in 1996 and 1997. He led the team in passing yards in 1995. For his career, Ward is in the top 10 for career kickoff return yardage. He's No. 2 all time in all-purpose yardage.

In his college career, Ward rushed for 1,063 yards, passed for 918, had 1,965 yards receiving and 842 return yards.

This blog loves Charley Trippi and David Greene. But I'm hard pressed to put anyone but Hines Ward in the No. 2 spot when it comes to all-time Bulldogs.

Some days I think he's No. 1. Munson and Ugas I - VII excepted, of course.

I'm on a boat $%^&*r F$%^&*!

Is it possible that every dumb thing Andy Samberg does is funny?

Jackson Gage

We're not big on personal announcements here (unless they're pointless, of course), but my little sister had a baby boy early Sunday morning.

If you hang in there long enough, they go into Baby Let me Follow you Down.


May you always do for others, and let others do for you.

Mike has a point

ME: In the war between rock and water, rock wins every battle but the last one.

MIKE: What I want to know is, who's the asshole that decided paper beats rock?

A crack in Coach Richt's cool

This commercial came on last night during a Signing Day wrap up show.

Two things: 1. It's pretty difficult for me to imagine Mark Richt spending an entire day shopping for carpet. 2. What the hell is the deal with those apples?

Signing Day, Bobby Knight and Steve Martin with a gun

I would like to publicly thank Lane Kiffin for taking any of the ire that Urban Meyer or Nick Saban might have stored for the University of Georgia and focusing it directly on the University of Tennessee instead.

Hiring a coach that got fired by the Oakland Raiders. How could that not work out?
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I saw yesterday that, of the 20 kids Purdue signed, 14 of them are from Florida.
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What Lane Kiffin said about Urban Meyer was a big deal. It was a big deal and Urban Meyer won't forget it. And it will be dealt with. It will be dealt with by Urban Meyer.
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There was moment yesterday when some tool bag anchor was kissing Gene Chizik's ass over Auburn's recruiting class when I wondered: "Should I actually worry about this guy?"

Surely not, right? Right?
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Speaking of Bobby Knight, I see that this moron is putting on the full court press to bring the once-great coach to Athens.

Look, I think it would be cool to have Coach Knight running the show for a little while, too. But, seriously, do you really think that's the best move here?

Please read this if you object:

Over their last three seasons both Felton and Knight each coached 86 games, and each left their jobs before the end of the season. Their records were:

45-41 for Felton
48-38 for The General

Knight won exactly three more games than DF, and they went to the same number of NCAA tournament games. Some upgrade that would be.

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This is hilarious. But you have to watch a 30 second commercial first. When did we get to a place where that was nearly unacceptable?

LIVE from Signing Day: YOUR home for the Bobby Knight Watch

Faithful Lucid Idiocy Lead Analyst Joe Petersen has risen early this morning to make the trek to Athens. He will provide real-time updates from Signing Day as the recruits make it official.

Is Coach Richt wearing a hat? Is Coach Garner having a chicken biscuit for breakfast?

We will let you know. And if anyone fitting the loose description of Indiana basketball legend Bobby Knight is spotted on Milledge Avenue, I daresay this blog will bring it to you first.

4:46: Bobby Knight for D-ends coach. I heard a report. Maybe The AJC will post it.

4:22 EDITOR's UPDATE: Hey, hey, Marlon Brown is a Dawg. Now that should put a smile on your face.

JOE's ANALYSIS: Word up. That makes this day a good day. As long as we got one of those guys... especially the 6'5" badass wide receiver who did not go to Tennessee. Marlon Brown. I like that.

Final wrap: No Bobby Knight sightings. A lot of anti-Knight sentiment from the crowd. We signed a good class, it's just disappointing that we didn't close on any of the big guys we were holding out for. I wonder what we'll do with the extra scholarships.

Signing day sucks. I feel like I completely wasted this day. I am retarded. Will that offend any retarded people? Are you still writing this down? Quit writing.

EDITOR's UPDATE: Jarvis Jones to USC. Marlon Brown rumored to Ohio State. I can't get Joe on the phone. He may have destroyed the Bling Pig in a suicidal rage.

2:07: Not in the Blind Pig bathroom: Bobby Knight, toilet paper or anything sanitized.

1:30: Huff just got here. He says Bobby Knight was in his psychology class learning how to treat players. As for signing day, we missed out on the safety from Tallahassee, the o-lineman from either juco or prep school, Massie, he went to Ole miss. Greg Reid, of course.

We did pick up Rantavious Wooten. And Jeff Dantzler is in the house, doing his show.

ME: Has he asked any of the girls what color their underwear is?

Honestly, the girls at the pig, you wouldn't want to know.

EDITOR's UPDATE: David Hale says Kiante Tripp is moving back to defensive end. Joe has refused to walk up to random senior citizens at the Bling Pig and interview them as if they are Bobby Knight. He just doesn't understand journalism.

12:30: Signing Day Sucks.

10:34: It is 10:34 and I am officially bored. I'm about to take the Blind Pig shuttle over to the Pig and go over there for a little while. Because this is boring as hell.

10:15: JOE: Breaking: Painted Head Guy is here. ME: With head painted? JOE: Of course.

9:48: Steven Hill picked Tech over us. So he's now a mortal enemy. It appears to me, from the interviews that I've conducted in the crowd, that the prevailing sentiment is we would rather have Marlon Brown than Bobby Knight.

EDITOR's UPDATE: David Hale says WR Marlon Brown is scheduled to announce between 3:30 and 4. That guy looked great at the Under Armour game. Brown, not Hale.

9:15: Also, free doughnuts and the sexiest blonde alive. Rantavious Wooten has signed.

9:05: Kelin Johnson is broadcasting live from Butts-Mehre on Gxtra.

8:45: Here's some breaking news for you: Beautiful girls still jog in the cold, parking in Athens still sucks and the Dooley statue is freaking beautiful.

7:31: This is not even really an update. But I'm actually reading the paper. There's an article about spending on football recruiting in The AJC. Georgia Tech outspent us? On recruiting? By $300,000? This doesn't make sense.

6:35: Uh, 6:35 a.m., and Bobby Knight has not, has NOT been seen at all this morning at the Starbucks in Douglasville. And, it is ----ing cold. I do not know why I'm doing this.

Sources: Bobby Knight is already new UGA coach

The Bobby Knight story has legs. Ridiculous legs, but legs nonetheless.

USA Today, or at least one of its blogs, is even in on the Bobby Knight to Georgia? (To be read like "I'm Ron Burgundy?") story.

And Ugasports.com is quoting an anonymous source, who appears to be quoting another anonymous source, about Gov. Sonny Perdue getting brought into this situation:

According to a source within the UGA athletic department speaking on condition of anonymity, Knight contacted a former SEC athletic director to ask how best to express interest in the Georgia job.

Knight was then told to call Georgia governor Sonny Perdue, who the source said is friends with, and occasionally goes fishing with, the Hall of Fame coach.

"(Knight) was told to have (Perdue) call Dr. (Michael) Adams and it would get done," the source said.

My actual job is covering state politics for The Macon Telegraph. I am also a moron. So I actually contacted Gov. Perdue's press office to confirm or deny this story.

They declined to comment. I believe they also laughed at me.

But I'm persistent. And I was able to pry some information from a source close to the governor, who I must quote anonymously, of course.

Apparently Perdue and Knight go way back, and used to fish the idyllic streams of Houston County, where Gov. Perdue grew up.

In fact, my source said, "Knight's son, Pat, was actually named after an invisible friend that played alongside the two."

How come we teach cursive in elementary school?

Seems like a lot of time spent learning a second way to write the same language.


All ideas based on an Adam Sandler movie are great ideas.

Felton fired

It was brutal while it lasted.

Comment from an unnamed reader: Fire Mark Richt. Then we can hire Meyer and Donovan in a package deal.

UPDATE: These are the jokes, people.

UPDATE 2: I am consistently impressed by Damon Evans' ability to say exactly what I'm thinking, and to do so with grace. From Hale's blog:

"I'm disappointed that things have not worked out better," athletics director Damon Evans said. "I do think it is in the best interest of our program to move in a new direction."

I could not have put that better. Now, let's see what kind of basketball coach hirer Evans is. This will be his first chance to make a major hire, no?

Yeah, like you want Kirby Smart starting at safety

Uh, no offense there Kirby...

Last night, Joe and I were talking about Dacula wide receiver Cameron Kenney, who committed to Oklahoma. And it was a revelation, at least to me, that Cameron is a white guy.

Oh, stereotypes. You're probably around for absolutely no reason at all.

ME: If you were to make a list of rules you live your life by, how far down would you get before "no white guys on defense" showed up?

JOE: I don't know, man. At least top 10.

JOE: I should really work on that, get those set down. How high would you put "Whiskey on Gameday?"

ME: It'd be right up there. But I don't know, man. Does that even have to be written down? Isn't that like making a mental note to obey the laws of gravity?

Obvious exceptions: Terry Hoage, Jake Scott, Charley Trippi and David Pollack, who I'm pretty sure is white. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

UPDATE: Upon further review, the irrelevant subject of Mr. Kenney's race may be in question.

God's blue Earth

My parents gave me a book for Christmas called Instant Genius. And it's this compendium of random interesting knowledge.

And it says that, though Earth's actual atmosphere fluctuates, "space" begins 62 miles above the planet surface. This is called the Karman Line, after a Hungarian-American physicist.

It is the approximate altitude at which you no longer need thrust to move away from the planet surface. Your momentum carries you, because there is no friction in space.

If a person travels above this imaginary line, they are considered an astronaut. Below it, they're a pilot.

And it occurred to me: Sixty-two miles is less than the distance from my house to my parent's.


The moon is considerably further away. Image from NASA's image of the day gallery.

Toby Jackson: Nooooooooooooooooo!

In hindsight, perhaps I was pinning too many hopes for our 2009 pass rush on this kid.

Do not attempt unless you are an NFL athlete

Possibly the most awesome football video in existence that does not involve Herschel Walker or Ben Watson.