Waxman, don't you f this up

Only the United States Congress could turn BP into a sympathetic figure.

Come on, Kentucky

You've probably seen this Touchdown-Jesus-struck-by-lightning story on the interwebs.

Elaine Spencer, our Ohio Valley bureau chief, notes that the statue, visible from Interstate 75, is near Big Bone Lick State Park in Kentucky.

"No one's allowed to be crazy when South Carolina's around."

I looked for a companion piece I could point you toward to go with this Daily Show segment on the improbable U.S. Senate primary victory of South Carolina's Alvin Greene.

But nothing deserved to be paired with it.
Alvin Greene Wins South Carolina Primary

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Betty White was also on this show. I feel like I must be socially, and perhaps legally, obligated to mention that.

The Vuvuzela calls for profanity-laced tirades

Note: There's a lot of profanity in this, and an angry indictment of an entire nation. But I did take out the parts about Mexican soccer fans and donkeys.

I need somebody to explain these fucking things to me.

I mean, what's the point here? Is it really to mess with opposing players' heads, or is to stand there with a pack of idiots and blow into a plastic tube like a dumbass?

I mean, I'm sitting here watching the World Cup and the noise from these things varies, but there's a constant loud din. How does that give either side an edge? I can see the advantage on a set piece, since verbal communication would be more important for the defense, but what's the deal the rest of the time?

Seriously, is there anyone out there who has sat in the stands blowing one of these things who will explain to me what the fuck you think you're accomplishing?

Because fucking fuck. It's not even the noise that bothers me, it's that the whole thing just seems stupid. That and I'm pissed off that I had to learn how to spell "vuvuzela" to write this.

I have a buddy, and he's one of the few people I know in this country who actually goes to soccer games from time to time. He and the other U.S. citizen who does that both deemed these things useless.

"Near as I can tell, the only decent use of a vuvuzela ever witnessed was during the 2007 Gold Cup," my friend said. "When cameras at some lesser match (like Honduras v. Canada or some shit) showed a guy sitting in the stands, with the end in his mouth, as two other guys dumped full beers into it, using it as a massive beer bong."

Look what the South African company selling these things says:

"Put your lips inside the mouthpiece and almost make a 'farting' sound. Relax your cheeks and let your lips vibrate inside the mouthpiece. As soon as you get that trumpeting sound, blow harder until you reach a ridiculously loud 'boogying blast.'

Congratulations Boogieblast. I hate your entire fucking country now and it's your fucking fault. That's right. I got over apartheid, and now I think South Africa sucks because of your stupid fucking plastic horns.

Wikipedia says that, though the horns are certainly most common in South Africa, they have "been used in Mexican stadiums since the 1970s."

Well, that sounds about right. Those urine-box toting fucks would have a hand in this.

So what are we left with?

“This is our culture,” Lucas Radebe, the captain of South Africa’s World Cup team in 1998 and 2002 told The New York Times. “This is how we create our national rhythm and dance.”

Then your national rhythm and dance suck, Lucas. They suck.

The ACC is years ahead of its time

Provided that time is June, 2004.

From Tiger Illustrated ($$) last Thursday:

Clemson president James Barker is part of an ACC task force being formed to examine the issue of expansion and how it could affect the conference, Tigerillustrated.com has learned.

Conference expansion plan: Destroy Georgia tech

With the news that the SEC may not be sitting on the sidelines as College Football turns upside down, I have just one thing to add.

The conference's ultimate goal in expansion should be the demolition of Georgia tech's hopes and dreams, plus whatever else we can ruin for them. Anything we do toward those ends will be welcome.

Sex Pistols, Merle Haggard, World Cup

I now recommend Bill Weir's Twitter feed:

Despite the tie, Alexi Lalas says we should celebrate. So bring in the strippers and Zima (sigh).

For the rest of his life, the UK goalie will look at his fish and chips and wonder about the purity of the tartar sauce.

I'm quickly learning that soccer is vast stretches of tension sprinkled with lucky flashes of release. Kinda like marriage.

Colin Cowherd jumps the shark

Chief Analyst Joe Petersen checked in with this on Thursday:

I'm listening to Colin Cowherd. It's a quarter after 10 and of course he's talking about USC. He was comparing Pete Carroll and Dennis Erickson to the lazy babysitter who let you stay up late and look on the computer late. And then Nick Saban is like the baby sitter that would inspect your teeth before you go to bed to make sure that you got all the broccoli that he forced you eat out of your teeth.

Just bear with me.

Then he went on to say that Lane Kiffin is more like Nick Saban than he is like Pete Carroll. And then this is a direct quote: "Nothing is going to slip through the cracks with this guy."

He said that about Lane Kiffin. So I'm officially done with Colin Cowherd.

Agreed. I'd be surprised to find learn that Lane Kiffin knows what broccoli looks like, metaphorically or literally.

BP: Basically South Carolina's fan base

Like a lot of people I've been watching BP's stock, wondering when it will be time to buy in and go long. I'm beginning to think the answer is never.

Look at this screen capture from BP's Web site, and note the first headline under recent updates:



Congratulations, assholes. You've reached a stratospheric level of not getting it. You're some combination of Kevin Bacon and the guys who started this Facebook page.

Here's the full release, which begins like this:

BP notes the fall in its share price in US trading last night. The company is not aware of any reason which justifies this share price movement.

BP continues to keep the market updated on the Gulf of Mexico oil spill through regular announcements. The response to this incident is our top priority.

New plan. Where do I invest in destroying you?

The 2010 Dawgs: Zoom

Yeah, I know. There's just no way. But let me dream, would you, and think of the 2010 Dawgs as somebody's PlayStation team.

From UGA, via David Hale:

40-Yard Dash
Skill Positions (Time)
Cuff, V. 4.24
Sailors, B. 4.28
Green, AJ 4.37
King, T. 4.37
Rambo, B. 4.37
Smith, B. 4.37
Commings, S. 4.38
Williams, S. 4.38
Wooten, R. 4.38
Harton, Brandon 4.40

Big Skill (Time)
Washington, C. 4.29
Dowtin, M. 4.40
Gray, L. 4.48
Murray, A. 4.50
Robinson, C. 4.53
White, C. 4.53
Dent, A. 4.63
Chapas, S. 4.71
Walsh, B. 4.71
Houston, J. 4.75

Linemen (Time)
Wood, B. 4.71
Dobbs, D. 4.81
Glenn, C. 4.81
Tyson, D. 4.81
Lott, D. 4.84
DeGenova, M. 4.85
Jones, A. 4.97
Houston, K. 5.00
Franks, N. 5.10
Burnette, C. 5.13

L.A. Times: John Wooden said to be gravely ill

Former UCLA Coach John Wooden, whose teams won 10 national titles, was in grave condition Thursday, school sources confirmed.



Wooden, 99, is being treated at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, according to the sources.





Image: UCLA Athletics.

Update: Coach Wooden has died. From The Times:

Yet UCLA did not win a national title until Wooden's 16th season.

Benjamin Franklin

According to this audiobook biography of Benjamin Franklin, Franklin edited the words "self evident" into the Declaration of Indepence.

Thomas Jefferson initially wrote that "We hold these truths to be sacred and undeniable."

A digital copy of Jefferson's original draft, with Franklin's edits, is available from the Library of Congress:


Available in a more readable format here.

I recommend the book, though it's long. As I near the end, I've actually started hearing my own version of the narrator's impression of Benjamin Franklin chiding me in my head, giving me personalized advice about how to live my life. It's a little weird.



As a newspaperman, Franklin was pretty much a gossip and a liar. But he did invent the lightning rod, which he never patented.

Ashley Henderson Huff

The women of Warriors Walk.
















1st Lt. Ashley Henderson Huff (deceased) in Iraq, circa 2006.

My best wishes and thoughts this Memorial Day to the families of those who gave their last in service.

Update: I don't want to be flip, but I think that picture is just one of the greatest of all time. The "Is this girl serious?" looks on those Iraqis faces say it all. Yes. She was serious.

Michael Jordan

My hat is off to my younger self for holding on to this poster.

Just an example: Free subscriptions

You have been directed to my personal blog, and I hope to test a theory here about charging for online newspaper content. Ignore the date above. This post was written Oct. 1, 2010.




Click here for your free subscription.

Thank you for clicking on Lucid Idiocy's "free subscription" button. Obviously, these blogs are already free. But I'm trying to gauge readers' willingness to click on a free offer for an already free product. I know that sounds strange.

When I was in college some friends of mine worked circulation sales for The Atlanta Journal and Constitution. And they would offer pretty girls free tours of downtown Athens with every subscription.

So you don't always have to have something to sell it, especially when all you want is a name and email address.

My question is whether online newspapers can sign folks up for free subscriptions that don't kick in until the day the newspaper starts charging for online content.

Then as the paper gradually, or not so gradually, charges for extras (I would love to see newspapers charge for commenting), some could be added to an early subscriber's account free of charge. Or, better yet, for a very small fee, and a credit card number.

The goal is to get people thinking that they'll probably have to pay for online news one day, so they might as well start signing up now. Contests, coupons, prizes, these are effective ways to collect information, and they should be employed. But offering people something they already have? If it works, it's golden.

I'm going to keep an eye on how much traffic this post, which is linked only to the ads, receives. If it's low, throw my theory out. Also, I'm not going to collect email addresses, much less credit card numbers, here, so it won't be a full gauge of the strategy.

Still, I expect that enough people will click on a "free subscriptions" link on a couple of Google blogs to bolster my belief that a similar strategy would net interactive readers for a good newspaper. If you think differently, or agree, or have another idea, please say so in the comments.

But increasing interactivity is a route toward charging for content.

For those seeking an actual free subscription to either of my blogs, please consider my twitter feed. Thank you for reading.

This post is part of a brief I've written about online newspaper charging strategies.

A.J. Green

The man is a Michelangelo.


Image: Grant Blankenship, The Macon Telegraph.

If you google "AJ Green is a work of art" you find the shirt I want 30 of.

Also, the GOP candidate for State Treasurer is named Young Boozer

Back a week ago, when I was employed as a newspaper reporter, I ran a political blog. I left my job and put that blog on hiatus. Now I don't know where anything belongs. Pardon our mess.

I have a Yankee friend who went from Notre Dame to the University of Virginia to a law firm somewhere in Alabama. He's been there long enough now that he's not even surprised to see a gubernatorial candidate make fun of the fact that his opponent supported teaching evolution.

Said said yankee friend: "Every Republican in a primary accuses the other Republicans of being liberal. If the ads are to be believed, Alabama is the dream state for Democrats - even the Republicans are liberal."

And, yeah, the GOP candidate for state treasurer is indeed named Young Boozer.

A moment in time

The New York Times asked people from around the world to submit a picture taken at 3 p.m. GMT (10 a.m. eastern) on May 2. The result is nearly a worldwide mosaic of photographs, which you can view here.

There appear to be thousands of them.

Don't forget to call your mama today

Happy Mothers Day.

All I do is worry about quarterback

You'd think I'd find time during the day to worry about the defense.

From Scott Howard:

One of the most frequent questions I am asked is "How Larry is doing?." I can report that, on this particular day, Larry was doing very well. The FIRST thing he said to me when I walked inside his house was, “Are we going to have a quarterback?” Vintage Munson. At the time, we still had three guys at the position.